Jane The Virgin Season 3 Episode 3: Finally Deflowered!

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You absolutely read that right! Jane the virgin is no longer a virgin! I guess now we just call her Jane. Wait, does that mean the show is just called Jane now? I don’t know. After a baby, a wedding and a whole lot of drama, it’s about time right? It’s so exciting. However being exciting doesn’t always mean it’ll be great.

After getting the green light from Michael’s doctor, Jane and Michael rush home so that they can finally be alone and have sex but they get home to an upset Rogelio with a team of interior designers from his telenovela to come and help them set up the house. 45 minutes later when they’ve left, Alba and Xio come bearing cake. The two couldn’t catch a break. Later that day after Jane has interviewed Alba for her book ( a video recording), she and Michael have some alone time. You know what comes next. Things get hot and heavy, they get into bed, exchange I love you’s, Jane tells Michael she’s nervous but it’ll be perfect because it’s him and you know what happens next kids. JANE GLORIANA VILLANUEVA HANDED IN HER V CARD. They show us a little cartoon that was a little cute but funny too and when we finally return we see them lying in bed. Michael says how amazing it was that they finished at the same time. See as soon as he said this I just went hmmmmm…

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What are the odds that her very first time, they climax together? I mean realistically, I don’t know. The next day Jane confides in Lina that she faked her orgasm. That wasn’t the only thing that went wrong that night. When things were getting hot and heavy between she and Michael, Jane accidentally taped over her interview with Alba. They made a sex tape. Can you imagine? Your first time ever, and the first time you and your husband have sex, and the first time you fake an orgasm, all on tape. That’s not even the worst part. She emailed it to her supervisor because she hadn’t realised she had taped over the interview. Her supervisor tells her that it’s what has been missing from her writing. She needs to spice things up a little bit. Jane takes that advice personally too and tries to spice things up in the bedroom. Some sexy lingerie and some wild sexy gel. They weren’t kidding about the spicing things up in bed aspect. The gel has Jane screaming as it burns and this is how we got our QOTE

It feels like wasabi down there!

Honestly they just could not catch a break. They just kept hitting obstacle after obstacle. Michael asks Jane to keep things to themselves but she’s already told Lina. A few days later at the Marbella, Lina asks Michael how things are going and he figures out that she told her. Okay Lina are you okay? WHY WOULD YOU ASK HIM? It’s private. Yes as your best friend we get why Jane told you, but what business do you have speaking to Michael about it. Is it your marriage? Boundaries girl, boundaries. Michael leaves and a few hours later Jane comes home and finds him listening to what sounds like porn. Only it’s not porn, it’s their sex tape. Do you remember that episode of friends where Rachel and Ross accidentally made a sex tape then reviewed it? That’s what these two did. They tried to figure out what exactly Jane liked and the cartoon came back, except this time it was a lot longer and happier. They tried to be slick but we picked up on all the highly sexual imagery. The waterfalls, springs, random bursts of water? We see you CW.

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In other news, Xio decides in this episode that it’s time for her to maybe start focusing on other careers. She’s not exactly giving up on singing but she wants to think about other things. I guess very soon we may be seeing Xio return to school. Rogelio on the other hand is still trying to bring Telenovelas to America. Before we forget about her, Louisa makes an appearance this episode. After two months with Rose, she asks to see Rose’s murder list before they can be together. Rose shows her the list and the plan is for Louisa to return home and tell the police everything, which she did. Except for the fact that they are still together. She also breaks to Rafael that his brother Derrick and his mother are dead. The last scene shows Rafael’s mother dying in her prison cell. Jeez…

This was a pretty heavy but at the same time weirdly light-hearted episode. I loved it and I just want more. More.

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